Spilled Expresso

I'm a Bad Catholic

Today is Good Friday, a fact which I had forgotten until about five minutes ago. It's not unusual for me to forget about the holiday and to not observe it. I can't even remember the last time I went to church on Good Friday. Or the last time I gave something up for Lent. It's not that I don't believe in God, because I do. But for some reason has never been important to me. Growing up, church wasn't a major part of my life. My family did attend church when I was very young, until I was about 4. After that, I attended CCD but Church wasn't a weekly tradition. Once I made my First Communion, my Catholic upbringing pretty much came to a halt, sans some forced and voluntary Masses with Minka (grandma). Most of the time, my lack of a religious background doesn't bother me. I am not too much of a fan of organized religion because to me, religion seems to build so many walls and cause so many unnecessary problems. How many people have died "
in the name of faith."
But other times, my life as a "perfect Heathen" as Minks would say, does make me feel bad. I sometimes wish I could be religious, and have some sort of tradition. But alas, so far that has been lost on me. I tried to fake it a few times. Senior year my best friend and I attended mass every Sunday at the Church we grew up attending.
In college, I attended Church (non denomination/protestant), Yet in both situations, I felt like a fraud because my attendance was based more on feeling like I should be there rather than wanting to be there.
Maybe someday I'll find religion. Til then, I live as a heathen.